Words are

This is not my week. This is not how I wanted my summer to be. But in less than a week, I leave for an incredible (and incredibly exciting) opportunity, and I have many great friends whom I really love, even if things aren’t that simple all the time. Even if at least one of these friendships is, well, I don’t have words for it right now.

But what good are words, anyway? It’s a strange thought coming from me, seeing as I really love words and to write and to read and so on. But what good are they, if you can’t convey what you mean? Are they enough? Are they too much?

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Some editing required.

“To do anything well requires a lot of editing,” my professor once told me.

I’ve been realizing this a lot lately, and not just in my writing. Life is full of edits and things we wish we could edit. What I wouldn’t give for a time machine some days, to go back and fix things—or maybe un-“fix” them, to do something right instead of the easy solution.

In all honesty, however, I wouldn’t change a thing in my past, time machine or not. As much as I hate to admit so at times, everything that’s ever happened (or not happened, as it may be) in my life has made me who I am today, and taking back any one thing, no matter how inconsequential it might seem, would change all of that. It’s not worth losing all that.

No, I can’t change what’s already happened, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything about what’s happening now and what will happen. As I said, anything done well requires editing, and who doesn’t want to live well? Still, not all editing is good editing. And sometimes, you don’t even get to be the one editing your life. Like turning my articles over to my editor, when I let people into my life, they get that chance to forever change it, good or bad.

That’s what you do when you make friends; they edit you. They encourage you to be something else, something more. But friends aren’t the only ones who edit. And what can you do when the editing is beyond your control? I mean, people can even edit you out of their life, and you don’t get a say in any of it.

And what about those who get cut out of your life, deliberately or not? Sure, you can try to edit in a few more moments with a person, but you know it won’t last. People move away, people move on, people die. It’s all a part of growing up, of editing. No one ever said edits were easy, and they definitely aren’t pleasant.

The best intentions can end in a painful edit, too. Friendships change or edit as you grow older; some grow apart, some grow closer…some even grow into something more.

I guess it’s true that friends aren’t always in your life forever, but their impact can be. But that’s another thing. The bad stuff only edits you if you let it. Sure, it’ll take more work to turn those problems into something good, but it’s not impossible. Then again, the good can only change you if you let it, too. The final edit is always up to you.

Sometimes, I do a different type of editing. Everyone does it. Put on a happy face to cover the hurt. Pretend. Act civil to the people you know are just watching and waiting for you to mess up, waiting for that little mistake that gives them the “right” to block you from their life, literally or just on Facebook.

Or maybe I edit a little differently.

Instead of faking it, maybe I can actually wish happiness upon those people. Maybe I can be genuinely concerned about others, even when I am upset or hurt myself. Those are edits too, ones that improve your character. See, there reaches a point where making yourself do the right thing becomes what you want to do. And that’s the goal: not to be the best—no, impossible—but be the best possible you.

And sometimes, that means saying what you mean, even if the people who need to hear it in all likelihood won’t ever read a word, or they’ll completely misinterpret it. And that’s fine—not that I could do anything about it anyway—but like I said, that’s not up to me to change their mind. It’s just up to me to try.

Originally written more than a year ago, but I found it still just as applicable today.

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Adventures with Fregetables!

If you’ve spent much time with me, you may know that I love fruits and vegetables. I’m not a vegetarian, but I still have a great appreciation for these foods. In honor of this love and a dear friend’s mispoken words, I give you… Fregetables. [More to come soon]

If grapes were corn.

If carrots were strawberries.

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I can do that

We can all be creative. See? Here’s a bird’s nest my cousin made.

I’ve never been so creative in my life. I feel like I’m finally getting into the things I really love and making time to explore different aspects of creation. This summer I’ve written posts and journaled and sketched; I’ve designed in Photoshop and InDesign; I’ve read and sang and baked and made playlists and taught myself guitar. I’ve dabbled in both film and digital photography; I’ve even edited a few videos.

I think these few weeks have been a great time of preparation for the coming school year. I’m really looking forward to my senior year, but I want to be sure I make the most of my time left in college. I really want to enjoy my time, to not waste it, and I think taking advantage of my creative talents will make this year my best. [I’ve also been doing some major prep for my screenwriting class in the fall. I’ve still got a very long way to go, though.]

I’m looking forward to continuing to create new things. With the exception of Photo 1 and  Graphic Design 1 in college, I haven’t had an “art” class since seventh grade, so I fell out of the habit of doing random projects for fun. I used to draw maps of worlds I created. I used to draw a lot of things, but I got to the point that I didn’t even doodle in class when I was bored. It’s been really fun for me to explore all sorts of different arts and interests, and I can’t wait to see where this takes me in the future. I’m also excited to have something to do again in less-exciting classes, haha.

I most recently finished a business card design for a friend. My next idea I want to pursue is “fregetables,” whatever that may look like. [A “fregetable” is the combination of a vegetable and a fruit. The word itself, besides being incredibly fun to say, is a sort of inside joke.] I have a few ideas for a Photoshop design.

Then again, I may change my mind. I can do that; I’m a girl.

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Redesigns and Metaphors

I have completely misjudged my audience, and for that, I apologize.

You see, I felt that by making my blog focused on one thing—music—I would be able to reach a larger group of people. The problem with this idea is that while my perspective on music may be interesting to me, it’s not providing anything unique for the majority of the music-loving, Internet-perusing, beautiful people I want to reach. BoumBox and I have so much more to offer you all than ramblings on a playlist. So it’s time for me to rethink BoumBox. The name will stay for sure, but its goal must change. It must grow in purpose, expand in topic somehow without extending itself too far into the vast mysteries of everything; it must be reborn, redesigned, renewed.

I’m kind of here with my life, too. I need to rework my goals, renew my purpose. I need a redesign, of sorts. I have so many ideas and wishes and random quips of humor floating around my head like a bad case of swimmer’s ear, and I feel so disorganized that I want to write it all out and over-analyze everything I’ve ever seen or done. But it would just end up being a waste of time and paper. (Speaking of paper, I made another Photoshop creation. See below.) Still, I’ve got to do something. I need a change and I’m not sure what that will looks like, but it will have to start with me and God I guess.

These past two days have been strange beyond belief for me. But bad days and odd days—and the good ones, too—make me thankful, for where I’ve been and where I’m not and where God will take me next, as scary as that place may seem now. And it’s cool to know I’m not alone, in this feeling or in the process itself.

I’ll keep you posted on what’s next. Until then, here’s something else to think about:

What will people make crafts out of when all the newspapers are digital?

Original photo by Luc De Leeuw

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Sounding Board

I’m trying to get used to working with Adobe software again. This is what I came up with today in Photoshop. I wanted something colorful, and with mustaches, so I deem this a successful attempt at creating today. It’s definitely a step in the right direction for getting back in the swing of things before jumping into Graphic Design II next semester.

My heart keeps pounding, but I'm just a sounding board.

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Friday favorites: Folk Rock

My good friend Drew sent me a song suggestion in Spotify today: “Ho Hey” by the Lumineers. It was an excellent selection for today—folk music like that makes me happy. So, in honor of thinking of happy things, here’s my quickly thrown-together playlist of folksy alternative fabulousity. [That’s not a real word, but I do not apologize.]

 

My choice artists with folksy feeling songs include Neko Case, Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, The Format, Neutral Milk Hotel, Patty Griffin, The Lumineers, Wild Child, Flowers for Judith (article coming soon on them, promise!), the Killers, and Relient K.

Not all of them are “folk rock” per se—I felt like I should include the Killers’ “A Dustland Fairytale” on basis of its heart rather than sound (and that it makes a good name for the playlist). BUT if I’ve missed an essential song, add it! It’s a collaborative playlist for that very reason.

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